The Trash Bin – 4 Conversations

This is a short story I wrote to get my brain working in preparation for November’s National Novel Writing Month. It’s told completely through dialogue in 4 different conversations.

___________

D and R at home

 

“So, I was thinking that we’d go to G’s on Saturday night.”

“Nope, can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do you mean? It’s L’s wedding social. I told you about this a long time ago. Remember L?”

“Right, L the lawyer. And your ex, p.s.”

“Yah, but that was a long time ago. I mean come on we’re going to a wedding social.”

“You know what, D? It’s not normal for people to go to their ex’s wedding social.”

“What? Why not?”

“Well, I mean you used to like . . .”

“Fuck her?”

“Uh yah.”

“So?”

“So, you shouldn’t be going to her wedding social.”

“I don’t follow your logic.”

“It’s just, weird.”

“What? We’re adults who used to have a relationship. Obviously she’s moved on since she’s getting married.”

“Have you moved on?”

“R. It was over 4 years ago. I was over her long before I met you. Oh shit. I still have naked pictures of her on a USB.”

“You what?”

“Oh, god. I better go delete them.”

“What? No. Um, we should see them at least once before you delete them.”

“Why would you want to see naked pictures of L?”

“I’m just curious.”

“Well I’m sorry those picture were something special she and I had. I’ve never shown anyone and I’m not about to start now.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Is it ‘cause it’s embarrassing? Was she fat? She was fat, wasn’t she?”

“No, she wasn’t fat.”

“Or maybe she had a really disproportionate torso. Did she have man feet? That’s probably it!”

“You want her to look ugly?”

“No, I just, I’m trying to imagine what she’d looked like.”

“Well there’s an awfully negative bent to your imagination.”

“I just have no idea what she looks like. Not one time have you shown me a picture of her, ever.”

“Exactly why you shouldn’t be worried about L and me.”

“I’m just curious. A girl you’d share naked pictures with… what would she look like?”

“You’re gonna have to keep guessing.”

“You said they’re on a USB? Could you help me out with a colour? Brand name would also help.”

“You really wanna see L naked.”

“Is it so much to ask?”

“Okay, assuming I even remember where I put that USB, I’ll have to locate the files in the finder. I guess, if you should happen to see the thumbnails of the pictures I’m about to put in the trash…”

 

D and R at L’s wedding social…

 

“So tell me more about L.”

“You know quite a lot about L already. Definitely too much for someone I’m involved with.”

“She obviously meant a lot to you. You held out a long time before letting me see the photos.”

“Well, they were a special thing between L and me. And I tried really hard to keep that. If it weren’t for you I would’ve.”

“Oh you.”

D introduces R

 

“D, showed me naked pictures of you.”

“R!”

“I’m sorry. I just-”

“No, no, no. Okay, R. I was hoping it wasn’t going to come to this, but you’ve become uncomfortably clingy and shit like this just isn’t acceptable. You’re a nice enough girl but, fuck, you need to be less intense. I’m sorry, but I think you should leave.”

“D?”

“You should go, R.”

 

R departs leaving D with L

 

“Wow.”

“Yah.”

“I thought I was getting so good at spotting the crazy ones. 2 months. I’d really hoped that she wasn’t a crazy bitch but for the last little bit it was beginning to get scary.”

“After 2 months?”

“Yah, red flags, right?”

“You’re taking this very well.”

“Oh my god, I’m just glad it only took 2 months of my life.”

“You’re a very different person than you were 4 years ago.”

“Well, I should hope so. That was 4 years ago.”

“So it’s a shame you don’t have those pictures of me anymore.”

“Well, I never said I emptied the trash bin.”

 

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Terra Nova and Monogamy

The trailers for this series got me really interested in checking out the first few episodes, and maybe I’m being too picky but I’m feeling as though it’s trying to be Lost and Jurassic Park. (The most recent episode of South Park “Ass-burgers” also made a comment to that point, so I know I’m not alone in thinking that.)

The way it’s shot, and the way it’s edited, along with the way the characters are acting/being directed, screams Lost. But if you can forgive that, which I can, it’s a very well-made show and has a very interesting concept. I’m excited to see what they do with it.

One thing that struck me as kind of weird was how the central character,  Jim Shannon (played by Jason O’Mara) reacts when he learns how his wife was selected to be part of Terra Nova.

Okay, some back story, Jim Shannon and his family live in the distant future where we’ve fucked up our environment so much that we’ve made the Earth practically uninhabitable. There is a program called Terra Nova where people are sent back in time to before we fucked things up. 85 million years before we fucked things up. So they’re with the dinosaurs; pretty cool concept.

So they have this new colony that’s meant to start the human race anew in a separate timeline (cause apparently it’s not “their” past, it’s an alternate reality’s past) which is also very cool!

The inhabitants of Terra Nova are all from different waves of pilgrims; the sixth wave of people broke off from the group and they’re causing problems for Terra Nova but that’s about all that we know about them.

Anyway, if you’re confused you should just go watch the episodes, we’re only 3 in so far. So long story short, main character Jim becomes the head of security of Terra Nova and learns the reason why his wife was chosen to be in the Terra Nova project … another scientist requested that she be chosen … and he’s her ex! …. 😮 wha??!?!?

*rolls eyes  (a love triangle story-arc coming up? I don’t see that coming) 😉

But anyway, Jim ends up being a dick the whole episode to Dr. Malcolm Wallace, the man who requested that Jim’s wife be in the next wave of Terra Nova pilgrims…

Um, you owe your continued existence to the fact that this man has the hots for your wife … and if he was secure in his relationship with his wife he shouldn’t have to worry that she’ll hook up with Dr. Wallace.

I just thought he didn’t have to be such a dick about it.

Maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen his wife in years because he was in a prison and now he’s suspicious of anyone because now that he’s finally back with his wife, he’s feeling insecure … that could explain it. But still, a little trust goes a long way. And is infidelity really a reason to end a relationship? We’re homo-sapiens, our sole purpose here on this planet is to procreate and raise the next generation of homo-sapiens. Sex, as it turns out, is a lot of fun and telling someone, you’re only allowed to experience certain aspects of life with one person while you’re in a “relationship” is, I think, naive and disingenuous to the fact that we are homo-sapiens and therefore mammals and that we enjoy sex.

What is it about sex that makes people act so intensely about “ownership” of who gets to sleep with who? What is it about that act that causes jealousy? Could it be an evolutionary trait ingrained in our species to ensure that our genes are the ones that are passed down to “our” children and ensure that they are in fact “our” children and not the children of man down the street who your wife has secretly been sleeping with?

What is the meaning behind jealousy?

Thoughts?

A Guide To Dating In The 40s

Via CBC.ca

“Dating: Do’s and Dont’s” is an educational film from 1949 aimed at American teenagers. It was designed to teach teens basic dating skills, and to answer questions like:

“What kind of girl should I date?”

“How should I ask her out?”

“How should I say good night after the date is over?”

Already, you’re seeing a trend here. Not much of this video offers anything of value to women. But male viewers likely learned a lot. Take this invaluable gem, for instance: “What about Anne? She knows how to have a good time, and how to make the fellow with her relax, have fun too. Yes – that’s what a boy likes.”

We can’t tell if this video was highly effective or highly not. But two words come to mind – baby boom.

Awesome Date Ideas

Via SeanCarney

  • Pretend you’ve never met, then loudly try out lame pickup lines in a swanky bar. Act like they worked.
  • Go on a walking journey and every fifteen feet draw a chalk arrow in the direction you’re going. At the end of the trip, leave a big pile of chalk.
  • Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen.
  • Go for a drive. You can only make right-hand turns. When you finally get stuck, turn around and then you can only make left-hand turns. Repeat until you find something interesting. Take pictures along the way!
  • Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.
  • Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
  • Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.
  • Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.
  • Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!
  • Hide and seek in the park
  • Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
  • Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
  • Go for a drive with the passenger blindfolded, choosing directions at random. see where you end up
  • Dress up as pirates, commandeer shopping carts, and have a war upon the high seas.. er, parking lot.
  • Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
  • Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.
  • Dress up as pirates and go parrot shopping at local pet stores
  • Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
  • Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
  • In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.
  • Dress up as superheros and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
  • Go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. Tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. Randomly cheer for both teams. Eat lots of Cracker Jack.
  • With camera and pair of boots, make photolog of a day in the life of the invisible man.
  • Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn
  • Go to a restaurant and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.

On First Dates – Katherine Curtis

So it is no secret that I am one of Katherine Curtis’ loyal minions. 😉  And I feel as a loyal minion it is my duty to introduce this fascinating woman to others who may not know this goddess of nerddom.  Known first to me as the Naked Nerd on the TV Show Naked News, I now frequently check her blog at Katerine Curtis and her vlog on YouTube as OfficialNakedNerd

She’s a fixture at various Comic Cons and into Cosplay, which makes her all the more amazing.  Check her out and I’m sure you’ll become a loyal minion too. 😉

 

A great blog post to start with is Ordered Chaos.  Enjoy.