*here’s a segment from Cracked.com’s “6 Assassination Attempts that Almost F#@ked the World…”
Queen Elizabeth I
The U.S.A. would not exist.
Way back in 1588, England was just an isolated island with a lot of enemies and Spain was the undisputed champion of the New World. But Spanish King Philip wanted more, specifically he wanted his kid on the throne in England and to make it Catholic. Which meant he needed Elizabeth I out of the way.
So like all dads hoping to usurp the last Protestant heir to the House of Tudors, Philip built up an Armada to get the deed done. Unfortunately for him, poor planning and shitty weather got his Armada’s ass kicked all around the British Isles. To this day England credits their win to the notion that God is a Protestant.
But What If They Succeeded?
Viva los Estados Unidos!
Or something like that. Had Phillip successfully wiped out Elizabeth, the ongoing Catholicism versus Protestantism death match would have ended with a bloody Elizabeth/Protestant England knocked out cold and a victorious Philip/Catholic Spain doing a salsa-infused victory dance around the ring/Europe.
Spain is here represented by Don Flamenco.
The implications of a Spanish victory over England would have been huge. Like, we all speak Spanish now, huge.
Instead, the Armada was defeated and England was on its way to dominance. Had the Armada landed, Philip would have eradicated Protestantism, which would have meant no funding of English religious colonies in the New World, no British empire (in fact, no United Kingdom at all) and, of course, no American Revolution.
Instead, Spain would have continued their takeover of the New World, but with an undefeated navy backing up their endeavors. Not only would Europe and North America have been dominated by Spain, but the destruction of the Protestant faith would have probably knocked out the Enlightenment as well, because the non-Catholic arm of the Christian church was a little more open to new ideas back then. So we’d all be getting our science from the Creation Museum. In Spanish.